Family Service of Central Indiana, Inc

Teenage Years

For twelve years you’ve been waiting in line for a roller coaster ride you’re suddenly not sure you want to take. Too late – you and your teen are chugging up the hill. Hold on for the ride of your life!

Chugging up communication hill.

• Teens often don’t understand their feelings.  Listen attentively to what they’re saying, then try to relay what you've heard back to them.
• Use “I messages” that communicate your feelings about the teen’s behavior rather than “you messages” that criticize and blame.
• Infants cry, children whine, teens argue. When your teen presses your anger button, tell him/her you won’t discuss the matter while you’re angry and remove yourself from the situation.
• Listen, don’t lecture. Guide, don’t direct.
• Get to know your teen’s friends. If they always seem to be getting into trouble, focus on your teen’s self esteem, not his/her friends.
• You are your teen’s best role model. Be aware of what you do and say. Admit to your mistakes.
  

Sometimes your teen must ride alone.

• Teens crave independence. Your job is to teach them responsibility.  Allow your teen to learn responsibility by letting him/her make decisions and reap the consequences of those decisions.
• Avoid being overprotective, but help your teen solve problems by exploring options and possible consequences with him/her.
  

Family Rules:  No standing while the roller coaster is moving.

• Establish family rules, but be fair and flexible. As your teen grows older and demonstrates more responsibility, adapt the rules to reflect the new maturity.
• Your teen is an intelligent and rational person. To avoid the “you don’t trust me” accusation, give intelligent and rational reasons for your rules.
• Be your teen’s best excuse when he/she needs to save face with friends. “My dad won’t let me go” is better than a car full of teens on a dark road with a case of beer.
  

Remember, you used to like roller coasters.

• Think about your own teen years. Are there unresolved issues that you had with your parents that you are now reliving with your teen?
• Talk to other parents about their issues and concerns with their teens.
• Regardless of what your teen years were like, times have changed. Learn about the issues that face teens today so you are better prepared to respond.
• The numerous books and brochures on teens reflect the complexity of this developmental stage.